Dysfunctional Travel ft. Biggest Foot, Spammy Excess and Pasty Drought

The World's Biggest ... Detour?

I think there may be something wrong with me.

With 5 days left and about 350 miles from Denver, most sensible people would just take a relaxed route back to the airport, stopping at some attractions along the way. It’s not as though there is any shortage of natural wonders in South Dakota and Colorado. Although I have seen plenty of natural wonders. I’m in the market for some unnatural wonders!

So do I take the sensible approach? I do not. I am going to undertake 4 days of driving to visit an attraction.

I blame Ethan. He planted the seed.

I have wanted to visit House on the Rock since I first read American Gods. The problem is that it is an obscure corner of Wisconsin and so is hard to include in any road trip that isn’t specifically built around it.

Ethan quite sensibly pointed out that I am unlikely to ever have a reason to visit that part of Wisconsin, so it would make sense to utilise my free days to visit now.

Can’t really argue with that logic.

And so I find myself undertaking a drive of just under 800 miles to Wisconsin (and then 900 or so back to Denver). Now driving in the US is less onerous than in the UK but this is a long way. As a bonus, I get to see another 4 states that I had not intended to visit.

First things first, there is “World’s Biggest” nearby which I have just discovered and so am off to see that. In this case it is a Bigfoot. Now you might argue that this doesn’t count as

(a) bigfoot isn’t real (shame on you!) and

(b) this is not actually a bigfoot (should such exist), but a wooden sculpture of same

Overruled. I am a fan of the Squatch and so I’m allowing it. Also the guy carves stuff with a chainsaw which is cool as hell!

Then time to hit the road.

It’s not often that Google Maps tells you t stay on the same road for 722 miles. Keeps things simple I suppose. My plan is to get s far as possible today - partly so that I can have a more relaxed day of driving tomorrow, but mainly through fear.

The weather forecast was for severe thunderstorms and potentially extreme weather (read tornado) later in the day and into tomorrow. From the weather map on TV in the morning, it looks as though the furthest east this will get is Sioux Falls, so ideally I will get some way further than that.

I cross into another time zone, which robs me of an hour, but at least that means I will get some time back going in the other direction.

About 50 miles beyond Sioux Falls I pull over for a coffee and start scanning for hotels along I90. Fairmont looks doable so I book myself in before setting out for the final stretch. It is a feature of this trip that I have stayed in many towns, which probably have lots to offer, but are just sleep overs for me. The budget hotels seem to be on the edge of towns, so unless I want to drive more, I am staying put in the hotel. Sometimes you manage to get in walking distance of some interesting stuff and that’s when I go exploring.

Just as I am fuelling up the next morning I get a message from my remote travel advisor. He has spotted where I am and points out that there is a Spam museum not far away.

A Spam Museum you say? Now knowing that this exists, is there any chance that I will not visit it? There is not.

So off I head to Austin, Minnesota which is pretty much on the Interstate so not much of a diversion. Austin is the company town of the Hormel Food Corporation, the makers of Spam. The town itself looks nice, very meat and tidy (so very sorry about that!). To be fair, all of the small towns that I drive through in Minnesota, Iowa and Wisconsin look very pleasant - exactly what you expect of Middle America.

Meanwhile, back at the Spam Museum, I am instantly outed as a veggie when I turn down a free “spample”. The museum is free but they extract some information for their visitor book. I look to redeem myself by pointing out that, being from Nottingham, I’m at least from somewhere with a meaty treat in the name. Not sure it goes down too well.

The museum itself is quite fun, largely dedicated to the vast varieties of spam products consumed around the world (apparently South Korea is one of the biggest fans). Obviously there is a corner devoted to Monty Python.

And if you have ever wondered what is in Spam, I got ya!

Not only did Spam win the war, but it is also apparently responsible for a number of proposals and people have been married at the museum. And they say romance is dead!

This is their take on how the British consume Spam - obviously on the menu in every pub

Some Spam themed furniture…

And finally I take the Quiz to see what sort of Spam I am (and now I can’t help thinking about Dr. Seuss!)

Spam classic indeed. Off to the shop for some Spam themed merch.

Next stop is the Effigy Mounds. These are mounds created by native Americans in the shape of animals. It is a beautiful spot (and free), but hard to make out the shapes without getting above them.

I do get a fine view of the Mississippi…

… as well as Woody Woodpecker …

… before almost stepping on a snake. It flicked itself into the undergrowth, scaring the bejesus out of me, before then casually sliding back across the path. Google Lens say “ratsnake”, so not poisonous, but I do wonder if I should pick up a chipmunk to use as a decoy in case I should meet anything else!

Penultimate stop of the day is Mineral Point, which I’m reliably informed has a large contingent of people descended for Cornish Miners, so I am looking to score a pasty for tea. Sadly the pasty shop was closed, but there is plenty of evidence of the Cornish connection.

So on to Dodgeville. One sleep until House on the Rock. I’m so excited!